Scrabble Anonymous? I kid, no really.

I've always been a true fan of board games and computer games.

It wasn't until I upgraded my cellphone with a Droid and with an invitation from a friend to play that I had walked into the Devil's Playground and haven't left since.

It's been over a month and I play every day. I'm always checking to see if it's my turn and what words pop out of my head to use. I've been successful most of the time, but I have lost. The times I have, I've been handed the seat of my pants with a boot marking on it. Yes, it was THAT bad. But resiliency is fostered by determination and the incessant need to go back for more. So I keep clicking "play with random opponent" because I dare not let other friends know that I play as much as I do. Plus, not many people care anymore if you can spell.....since the birth of spell check I mean.

Ode to a marshmallow

Tis true they say,
the puff'd white friend,
cometh best when the days grow long.

It be in three sizes,
wee, big and grand,
all of which taste best with cocoa.

The secret of this friend,
quiet, smooshy and light,
when dropped in the steaming hot drink...

it sinks, it melts, its frothy gooey-like layers my drink and disguises the cocoa below.

My stirring spoon creates wispy cumulonimbus marshy clouds in my mug as my fingertips get warmed to the touch.

I stop and question, "Why then do I recall only receiving like 5 mini marshmallows in my mug when I was a kid? Was there a shortage?"

It is clear, that as an adult I am now making up for all those weakened cups of cocoa that went without.

Happy Sipping.......

When is TOO much too much?

Just today I experienced first hand the cliche "Whoa! What IS that smell!?"

I was toting around my shopping cart at a nearby grocery store, minding my own business, just rounding the corner of the dairy section when as I place a yogurt in the cart I hit the extended arms of the enveloping cloud of perfume! I had no chance. No idea where it was coming from to even change course or go in for a final lengthy breath. If there was a hidden camera you would have seen something like feverishly blinking eyes and a stunned puckering face (think: having a sour drink).

As I regain my balance, I happen to look up and see the two figures within my range of personal shopping space (you all know EXACTLY what I mean by this) and it turns out to be a conversation of two female workers. These two workers have met in the middle of the bread and dairy section and proceed to have a full on, lengthy conversation.

Fight or flight?
What do you think I did? Just like any cartoon character in a revolving door, or a precocious youngster who doesn't like the taste of lima beans....I made a face and reversed (backed up) my cart and got the heck outta there. Moments later, after successfully achieving new oxygen into the bloodstream, I had to think about the eternal question - did either of them know? Was it just one of them or both?

This began to make me think about men's cologne and older women. Younger girls experimenting with mom's stash and men primping to hit a bar with friends. Many suffer from this misappropriation of scent (sense?).

Hopefully, I'd like to think that there are those that would seek help and finding a cure to this otherwise alienating deficiency. This article I found from Glamour Envy should answer most questions and help those in the most need! They describe "Old Lady Perfume" as their reality check and I feel that there are many more out there who have felt these effects as well. Take a glance and see what other ideas they have to say about how you can prevent yourself from being the aforementioned guilty parties.

Public Service Announcement Over.

The Neverending Paragraph

As many before me have said, Graduate school is tough. Tough on the mind. Tough on the soul. Tough on your life. Tough on your.... well you get the dreariness of it all. Well right now, I'm in the "if I have to conjoin two more phrases in prose text with a theme and substantiated proofs I may just die" phase, because even after 8 days I still have 3 papers remaining before the end of the week.

But that's not what's really important now is it? Yes, it does explain why I haven't written about the most interesting things that I have come across (all of which I have conveniently bookmarked so I can comment [er, trash] in my own leisure at a later date) but the fact that interestingly enough, I have had a few pangs of nostalgia hit me in the past few days.

Not quite sure how I have been having these moments, or lapses in mental judgment, but I have. Hey I am human after all.

Quite honestly though, I'll have to think on that and see where it's coming from.

Is it because another birthday is nearing?

Is it because I'm feeling emotionally unattached or looking to be attached? (Yes, I got this straight from a men's health magazine. I'd never admit that on my own.)

Is it because I think of the many roads and paths that I have taken and wonder, hey I could be doing this now or I could be with him/her right now!

Or maybe it's because I'm beginning to think about the openness of the world again and how at any moment I can choose to make a left instead of a right and not get on the elevator and go for a walk instead.....

In part I think it just means, that somehow, I am finding myself again. The me that I remember from college. The one who was just enjoying the moment and didn't care.

Let's see if the next few choices I make are in line with who that person was. We shall see....
But for now it's goodbye to the readers of few, the prose of many, the themes for words that are yet to be written....

Inhale....hold....Exhale....Release!

After feeling ill for such a while (okay like 9 days) and then realizing the fantastic world was flying by I had made notes of all the randomness and idiotic (and idiosyncrasies) that had overtaken the world by storm during those days. Unfortunately, those thoughts were written on tissues and tossed them after during a bout of massive disinfection of my room and other areas.

Shame really. I had some zingers.

Nonetheless, I'm SURE these lunacies will come back and I'll grab them and jot them down. Because really, the world is a massive ball of insight and luminous individuals...some of which, are just pure crazy and THAT is what makes everything regain balance! LOL

Since the illness that plagued everything including my appetite, I have been juggling school, life, the world, self-discovery, and dealing with ppl all at the same time. And unfortunately no solid conclusion has been made as of yet, but I hope that before my time on this planet comes to an end........something will become definitive. Right? Let's hope.

Laid up

Have been ill with the flu for the past week.....BUT....have come out on the other side. There's many things to post and many things to reflect about. Can't wait for a few minutes to finish writing them. Now that I'm up to it, I must tackle some laundry, dishes and homework!

Napkin Diaries -Monday's observations

• I saw my first bluebird of the season this morning.
• 
  
• Holy crap - gas is expensive!
• 
  
• Yes I did witness and almost accident on the highway yesterday between an 18wheeler and 2 compact cars. It got even more dicey when the 2nd car to pass the truck was almost pinned to the divider and "thanked" the trucker by slamming on his brakes and slowing down in front of him. Mocking him through his rear-view. Yes I saw the whole thing. And yes, I was driving safely.
• 
  
• I am getting tired of writing papers. Well not entirely, I know it's not going to be over any time soon but I know my brain needs a break at some point.
• 
  
• I saw a jogger on the road and thought, that was me a year ago, man, I really need to get back to that daily torture.
  

When the sore thumb that sticks out is really a pickle

Have you ever seen the bit on "Sesame Street" when they sing "one of these things, is not like    the other?"          

Seriously! I mean, when has it ever not been the truth!

Scene:
I was walking thru the market the other day, minding my own business, strolling along, whistling
and I turned down the dairy aisle, I was heading for the milk. I had spent the day in the library so I hadn't interacted with many people (if you count a blog a person, well that's another post entirely) but I had spotted two grocery stock boys working in the dairy section. I grab a loaf of bread. I laugh OUT LOUD and thought of...

My mother and I used to laugh at this because it was so hard to forget, hence the purpose OF the clip. In my own humor, I smile and turn around and start making the trek to the check out area and a flash happens. Instinctively I grab my phone as if there was an important message that came from the flash in text form that I had to read. I look up and realize that I was alone in the aisle.

::::POOF!:::::

Everyone was gone. No stock boys. No other customers. No store jingly-music. No other ambient sounds. Just drowning quiet. Odd, I thought. I shrug and keep moving. I finally see a woman walking up to me and she's strolling as if she's in the park checking out the birds. When she reaches me she says, "I hate it when that happens!"

Stunned by her oddness and her buoyancy of being in a shop to witness said flash (which to clarify, was actually a brief power outage) which she of course has witnessed before. Her exuberance made me conjure a partial smile and I almost said "you've lost it lady" but I pick up the pace and then I had my final realization.

1-Don't go grocery shopping alone. Always go in pairs.
2-Your phone does not have all the answers even if some ppl are glued to them like another appendage.
3-Sesame street tunes are classics! none of this recent garbage. I mean the oldies are goodies!
4- Regionally speaking, the natives here are odd. Just plain odd. They are on their own ferris wheel that keeps going round and round and no one gets on and no one can get off.

I wish there was more to explain, but I couldn't. The ferris wheel analogy really does do it for me I think.......

"Hi, Motivation isn't in right now....

but if you could come back at the end of semester when this is all over, then maybe we could get together and do something. Thanks!"

Not much more to say than that. It's the wee early hours of a daylight savings morning and not only am I tired but I just lost 60 more minutes and my eyelids are clamping shut. Oy.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better compositional day.

Tsunami thoughts towards Earth's tilt

You wouldn't be alive or human if you didn't pause for a second and feel compassion for our fellow human beings half a world away today. Regardless of what your faith, political position, or crankiness of life, it would be truly terrible if you didn't feel sad for the onslaught of photos and videos that were coming in from Japan today. I'm sure for many more days we will be hearing stories and seeing new videos of devastation and heartbreak. With many reporters making comparisons to Chile, Russia, Sumatra, etc, you can't help feel that we as mere inhabitants on this planet always tend to get so wrapped up in our own microcosms of life that we forget that within moments it's all gone.

It can be a tornado - as the mid-west of the US can attest to...
It can be a hurricane - Katrina, Gloria, Bob...
It can be volcanoes - Iceland's "Eyjafjallajökull", Italy's Mt. Vesuvius and Etna, Hawaii's Kīlauea and Mauna Loa...
It can be massive snow storms - ask anyone in the US east of Minnesota, Europe in 2010..
It can be torrential rain - recent flooding in Australia, Sri Lanka...

I mean, I can go on but it's too depressing already, right?

The point is, as my mother would say, we're only here in passing. Of course the meaning is vastly lost in the translation but she meant that what we do (in our lives) is a blip in the grand scheme of the world. Also, that what happens to the planet can always be redone (or corrected) whether we want it to or not. These were deep words for a woman of my mother's stature.

Now more than ever, I feel that we (and yes, I mean the universal we) need to remember that we are much more than the hottest gossip, blockbuster movie, newest phone or electronic gadget or car. I'm no expert in any field. Or brilliant scholar from ivy-leagued walls. I'm just putting some common sense pieces of thought together and have begun to think about what is more than this.

Mother nature definitely has a larger say in our lives than we give her credit for.

Tonight I'll light a candle and see what I can hear.

Ducking Puddles

For almost being the weekend, I don't think I was anticipating so much dreary weather. The annoying rain was just that - annoying, but light and once in a while heavy. However it wasn't like that when I was walking to my car, without an umbrella of course AND without the hood for my windbreaker, I mean how bad could it have gotten?

Bad.

I was drenched from head to toe. I actually was grateful I grabbed a scarf on the way out of the house and ridiculously had to use it as a "head wrap" to help block out some of the heavy drops. I looked like a fool and it sorta worked. Still, I realize that it could be worse. It could be snow and I'd be stuck in the midst of a blizzard and have no food w/ a sm. bottle of water to survive on for who knows how long. So yeah, I can live with this.

So as my clothes were drying in my bathroom......a tune entered...and began to infiltrate my brain.....

In my past life

I came across this and it caught my eye....

When I've worked in 3 out of 4 of the jobs listed I must be doing something right.

How Jobs gave me perspective

However it still doesn't give me much solace about where I'm going.

Do you read

I was recently pondering the idea that someone reads the words I write. It was a brief, fleeting moment of sorts, but a firm guttural feeling told me this was the case. I had never before thought about how that would make me feel OR how in the world someone (essentially a stranger) would react or feel entertained by my words. I laughed at the notion that the person would be intrigued and not die of boredom. After all, there's so much I want to put in here and yet I leave so much of it out. My brain, daily, wants to spew out stories, information and and observations but hesitates to do so partially because if I start I feel that my fingers will bleed and that would be bad. Bad.

So instead I realize that there's no sense is being shy or being reserved in text. Words are words but their arrangement and feeling become more than that. Especially, when you try to say more things than you're really writing.

Can you imagine how I flirt? lol.

Reoccuring Disturbances

Apparently my subconscious is at it again.

I have very vivid and intense dreams. Most are memorable, others not so much. Some are sad or happy or sexual. Others are not. A few nights ago, I had another intense dream but it involved a very negative character from my past and I can't quite shake it. I'm not sure what it means, but I feel that soon it will make sense to me.

As most of my dreams, they are full of emotion, to a degree. They are colorful, animated (lively) and feel very real. Sometimes they involve people I know or have met. Other times it's complete strangers who I do not know in real life but in the dream, are familiar.

This particular dream. The majority of the individuals are familiar, from my life and very real. The precise situation has never occurred, and won't ever, but yet becomes plausible, where in a dream it only can be.

The premise is simple. There is an apartment or a hotel room. Many beds, say 3, and numerous friends who are all staying with me. This room is fully furnished as a typical home (including knick-knacks and posters, etc) but yet there were people sleeping on the floor and it was a party-like atmosphere.

With me in my bed, I believe I was with a partner or "friend of the moment"- this detail is of non-importance to me in the dream. Apparently I was either single or what someone I had just met. Either way, the focus was much more of who was with me (in the apartment) and who I was experiencing this with.

This dream was in first person. [Meaning I (myself) was experiencing the dream as I would life on a daily basis. At times I have dreams in third person, where I am viewing from above or from a distance (like a movie)] I had been talking with others in the room about a potential bar crawl or party that was happening somewhere else in the building. (Again I am unclear if it was a hotel or an apartment setting) However there was noise and music to be heard around me and everyone seemed to be in a festive mood and cheery. I had recently spotted out the window a crowd of people joking and laughing as they walked in the street at night and apparently were friends of mine and we shouted to each other from the window. They were coming to where I was and I would be happy to see them. Immediately I had felt a negative vibe that I did not like and was revolted by it.

I turned to view that an individual I had dated was present with me in this living space and was staying in the neighboring bed. To spare a gender description I have chosen the gender neutral name of "Taylor". Taylor had entered and had chatted with me about something, and had apparently known or just met my other friends in the apartment and seemingly, everything appeared fine. I did though feel that whenever my life crossed paths with Taylor, things just never felt right - at all. (even in this dream)

A fast sequence occurred where friends came in and out of the living space, music and drinks were had. I had met a special someone and was unavailable from time to time to mingle with friends, but I knew that since this wasn't a hosted part (again back to the hotel location) why did it matter to be a host? So I had fun. Moments sped up into hours, when I realized that the crowd gathered again and headed out and back to the street for more reverie somewhere else. I was preparing to leave with my special someone when I realize that there were friends (or at least people I knew) sleeping in sleeping bags on sofas and pillows everywhere and just chilling to some soft music. I wasn't surprised or bothered at all by the sight. Neither was my special someone as I decided to forgo leaving and just stay behind with others.

A few moments later, Taylor enters with stomping feet and arrogance in tone. Taylor enters and is shocked by the utter noise, the environment and amount of people in the area. I say, were you expecting something else. Taylor says, I was expecting something but definitely not this. Taylor too had a partner in tow. Taylor's partner didn't look too happy either. I could tell that there was something going on under that mop of hair product. A few other words were shared, unimportant, and Taylor leaves. Upon leaving, my friends laugh and say, "you dated that?" I fail to respond. A friend from across the room snorts "always a jerk" and the laughter and conversations pick up again and it's a chill environment once more.

I'm not quite sure how much later in this time sequence, that Taylor returns, and angrily enters the space, spouting at the mouth and violent. Taylor's partner is there, gathering their possessions and leaving the space. Taylor argues with someone else away from me and then turns to realize that there are people in their bed, where they were to sleep that night, angrily, Taylor leaves. The room is shocked and returns to the merriment. A few moments later Taylor returns and grabs one small last thing and says in a scornful tone, "this was such a waste of $1000 dollars" and walks out.

I, offended and not sure why, felt my stomach flip, and this is where in real life I felt my stomach flip and I felt ill at Taylor's crushing words. While in the dream I remember be taken aback by Taylor's comments but went back to my new special someone. When I awoke, in real life, I remember instantly feeling "why the heck did I just have a dream and have Taylor be in it?! Ugh." I felt dirty and used and wanted to erase that part of my great dream away but realized that there must have been a reason to it. I still can't figure that piece out.....

It's been years since I have even spoken to Taylor. I've uttered Taylor's name a few times but not of real significance. I have no feelings for Taylor. At all. I hear Taylor is married. Taylor should be Taylor to others and never cross my path again. More importantly I believe there is no significance to why Taylor appeared in my dream.

Moreover, what really should be analyzed by my inner id and ego is what is the symbolism of Taylor in this dream? It's disturbing to me that because of Taylor I have to dig deep and figure out the "why's" of my mind....but essentially I feel that maybe this is the only good thing that Taylor has ever given me -Introspection.

How Dorothy and Toto changed the world

This is a commentary not on the movie (sorry movie fans) but on a most sincere song. Now, men or women will have to admit on some level that this is a nice sweet song. I don't mean that most won't shed a tear over it, but there's something about this version that just makes me tear and think about my parents and life in general. I unfortunately can place my finger on just one feeling but it always overwhelms me and gets me missing them....

Slingshot boomerangs

Feeling invigorated by the scent of spring in the air....

Tell tale moment:
Young love never dies once you become oldER, does it? Not for me. Although french fries will always be my first love and first word, there's something that pulls you back in your mind to those first tender moments walking home from school. Or when you were note passing in class feeling exhilarated yet completely vulnerable. Where, for a teenager (or preteen) telling someone how you feel literally cripples you until you hear back or get SOME sort of answer to those four words written on that note. Maybe it was the smell of Drakkar noir in the air or your teacher's bad BO...you can't help but remember how crazy in love you were.

What's more shocking?
Years later reconnecting with someone and going through it again. Admitting after so many years that the unrequieted feelings are there. Well, as much as they can be considering a million lifetimes has passed.

Something to ponder as the flowers begin to bloom again and the snow on the tennis courts melts....

Driving at night with my pants securely on

On my way home last night, I was finally able to unwind a little on the long drive home. This is especially true since I not only cross state borders for school but also major radio markets. With that said it's amazing to be inundated with country-like stations (am not insulting the genre just not the music I would turn my dial to first) and then be welcomed to all the stations that I am used to and grew up with. Of course I'm generalizing but it's just to make the point.

In any case, at mile marker 35, after listening to my favorite talk show (name witheld) I came across a string of songs that completely brought me back to a time where I was a freshman in high school or so and I came to the conclusion that I am the rainman of song lyrics. lol. It's a toss up b/w song lyrics or naming actors in movies. I have yet to decide which is beneficial or worse.

Either way, I laughed as I sang all the lyrics and remembered how fun music was. It's nothing as it is now. There wasn't "foul language" if you will, in every other phrase, or derogatory comments. It was a simplistic way to say what, how you feel no matter the age. I mean, don't get me wrong, play on words and double entendres exist everywhere, but somewhere this was lost and somehow, we need to find this back. Sooner hopefully rather than later.

I'm not sure what happened to these kids. Hopefully they didn't fall into the spiral of Celebritydom and made lives for themselves.

I mean seriously...how can you not like the words ".....wiggida wiggida wack!"

When eye scratches lead to chips and foot tapping in no particular order

This morning I woke up to yet another eye scratch. I haven't had one in a very long time. I'd spare the details for sake of residual pains but basically it was a few hours of hoping things wouldn't get worse and then gobbing up my eye with ointment cream hoping that I could re-open it and not have a reoccurring tear. By morning, luckily, I was okay but still had a swollen eye and by nights end really wanted to itch my eye all to no end. One day I"m sure I'll give the numerous details describing what that is like but for now, trying to watch the Superbowl with a blurry eye is the worst problem of today.

At least with my good head on this morning, I whipped up food for the game and prepped everything. Veggies, wings and nachos. A perfect balance of healthy and unhealthy, please don't talk to me about sugar/insulin intake. I'll cry.

Missing home and home life comes and goes. Some days are tougher than others. I miss so many things and have identified myself with so many things that at times, introspection makes it difficult to see (or understand, believe) who you are . One thing I constantly revert back to is music. You know, they always say "you walk to the beat of your own drummer" or "music is the sound of feelings" or something like that. Well I've realized that music for me encompasses actions, thoughts, moments, frustrations, FUN, friends, family and everything else in between. I often wish I could plug into a computer and download all the musical-associations (if you will) that I have experienced/made throughout my life and keep them forever.

Since, I am not Neo or Johnny Mnemonic, and don't have a USB port lodged in my skull, I have decided to incorporate music and videos and blog as one.

Therefore, in no order....

I rock out to INXS, it's on the ipod. However, there's something about the careless and free lyrics that brings you to your core of fun. Michael Hutchence was a gift. Also, side note: I would in a hearbeat go to Wimbley for a concert experience just like that. Forget food and beer. It's all about the vibe ppl.

People Lacking People Skills

A simple observation.
I, am of a minority descent. Actually, many individuals are of a minority descent. Therefore, being raised in an environment where it is customary to see many races I was a bit surprised when while checking out at a grocery store, the cashier had initially approached me as unable to understand the spoken word. At first I thought, well, maybe she thinks I'm deaf? Second I thought well, people aren't really chatty at the check out now are they? But finally it dawned on me it was because apparently to her, I was a bit out of sorts and not quite fitting into the "blandness" of the surroundings (if I could be so daft to say!) at this time. To her surprise, I was polite, nice and courteous and she smiled and wished me a nice weekend. To her she was behaving cordially, to me it reminds me just how vast this country is in interactions and "first impressions" if you will. As much as I would like to say that I have never been bothered by this before, it's becoming more and more increasingly obvious that I'm "feeling" this more now that I am removed from where I grew up. Odd, how the world has advanced, yet not so.

Anyone else need my blood?

I finally had the chance to schedule a long awaited blood test for today. I had to fast. I haven't eaten since 945pm last night. I'm starving and I had to sit through a 7 vial draw first. By the 7th one, my left arm was going to be yanked away from the needle because I was literally fighting reflexes. Thank god it was only 7, if it was more, I would have left. No, really. I'm pretty good with all these things but man, it hurt like a mother flipper. The drink can best be related to a super sugary orange koolaid, a drink which I do not drink. I had five minutes. Now, I've drank water, beer and I'm sure another drink within 5 minutes, but having to do this I thought I was going to spew a fluorescent orange drink around the waiting room....just like those old Nickelodeon shows.
Thankfully I had a 2 hour respite in which I could mull over if I was going to be sick and what exactly I was going to do about it. Nice, huh? Time came and went and as I suffered through the afternoon soap operas that were on a tv (like who in the world is watching these things, still?) I finally submitted myself to 2 more draws and happily went on my way back home.

At home I realized how people would sell their blood for cash (eggs/sperm too) and wondered if things got horrifically bad, I could definitely find myself more than willing to do this on a bi-weekly basis. Not.

Appreciation of Robert's Rules

Today was the swearing in of Congress. Now I dare not reveal anything political - yea or nay - good or bad, so don't expect me to slip on anything here, but I will say that I've always had an appreciation for procedure and rules. In high school I was part of a Model Congress club and it was instant love. Aside from the friendships and good experiences I had, I really appreciated how the process worked and what it means. I remember joking often during debates, since I was shy and never really felt that I could speak in front of my peers, I never got up often, however I always was a great behind the scenes person and love parliamentary procedure....I couldn't help myself. I really was paying attention even if I didn't talk much. (I have to get back to this later)

While watching C-Span, yes I like C-Span and have no qualms admitting it when topics of interest come up in Congress, and I did find solace in how we accomplish things and how it's meant to be done in a certain way. Now I know that there are individuals who say, it's unimportant. Or it's not needed, but I say how else are we too be a fully functioning government if we don't have laws or guidelines for us to follow? Don't be ridiculous uninformed people, things have to happen in a certain way or else we'd have a complete mess!

After the swearing in, the day was spent with minute introductions on upcoming bills and proposals that would be coming up to the floor in the upcoming days, etc. More interesting to me, was the fact that all these discussions were being done prior to the reading of the Constitution, which is coming up in a few days.

***unfortunately .....after writing a great post....the site didn't like me and it didn't save....I'm so upset. It was such a great ending to a post. Maybe I'll replicate it but as for right now...I'm going to walk away and not yell at my browser.....*