And the wind has it by a nose

It's sunny out today and I didn't have any hopes to leave the house. Not due to lack of energy but mainly due to being tired and needing a few hours to decompress. I didn't make the trek to the campus library today hence the fact that I still have my pajamas on. Oh well, maybe I really need the day.

I'm looking forward to seeing my really great bestest friend mon A.mie. I'm super excited about it. I haven't seen her in at least 5 years or so. We met overseas in France, while studying abroad, and now she's is living on my coast and I'm really happy about our reunion. It should be good.

Today's realization

Firstly as I await a meeting with my school's librarian I have become to realize quite a few things about myself, the world, the youth of america, my fellow students and nature. (I know it seems like quite a lot for a short period of time but I figure well, why not think about substantial things instead of hohum redundant things like poor programming and ridiculous name calling...) Anyways in brief, below are the realizations in no particular order/

-while I drive, I often think of my mother. My thoughts stream of her while happy, cooking, discussing an important topic and stressing how important school and education is (specifically from Ms/HS/college)

-today's youth I feel have fallen into the grips of social media as if oxygen is being depleted on our planet. More traditional means of communication are lacking and this is in part as to why many areas of our society are "out of sync" or "lacking in morals. ethics. etc"

-somewhere, somehow ppl are becoming worse drivers. now I know what you're thinking, but maybe car crashes are down. that's the safety features and the increase of enhanced technologies in our motor vehicles, it makes henry ford proud. which then leads to....

- why are we so distracted these days? i mean aside from the apps, social programs, the updates and tweets and the statuses and poking and messaging that we encounter every nanosecond i often wonder, have we forgotten what it's like to look up? check out the clouds rolling by. see the leaves changing colors. the birds migrating south. the winds becoming crisper on our skin.


again.....it's just a thought.
have you had an original, uninterrupted one lately?

And on the Sabboth...

I resorted to be a couch potato, if only, for a split second. Okay, more like a day, but man, I enjoyed it. I watched some football and saw some of my favorite shows on tv and became one with the pizza I was eating. It was a nice day. :)

Knit 2 Sushi 1

Today I will have to consider a brain dead day. I'm not sure why considering I have so many things to do. Schoolwork mainly being one of them. I actually spent the day on the couch just me and my dysfunctional laptop. I so can't wait to I can buy a new one. Maybe one day. Right.

I really did though, spend the day watching news, watching crap tv and basically vegging out. I really shouldn't have. I should have been reading. But I didn't. I'll regret that later I'm sure.

I did have plans to meet up one of my knitting groups. I had a longstanding "we wanna go for sushi one day" agreements with one of my knitting friends. So we tried to meet up earlier but as my luck would have it, it's a long holiday weekend and apparently here, everyone was going somewhere RIGHT as I was trying to get some dinner. Oh well. Sushi ran late and I went to check in at the place to see if others had shown up. Luckily no one had so then I hopped into a Party City. I never shop there I didn't even know what to expect, but it's completely covered in Halloween stuff so it was almost a turn off. I browsed through anyways.

I got a call from a friend back home about going to a Halloween party. It got me thinking about a costumer, but I'm not committing to anything yet. I just can't.

Ideas for costumes:
Linda Richman from SNL
A creepy fortune teller
an Elf

Neck deep in diagnoses

I hitched a ride today to My School via someone who was going to Big University which was down the street. I felt lucky because I really didn't feel like driving two days in a row. I made the trek to the library again and had some luck and found a computer. I got into researching the 4 papers I have to write for this one class. I luckily don't have a due date for them but I am not about to wait until the last week of the semester to hand this suckers in. That'll ruin Christmas for sure and who wants that?

I tried to keep on the reading but frequently lost my spot and couldn't recall what I had just read. I found out in 2007, after heeding a suggestion from the Dir. of Disabilities at that Other School, I got tested for a learning disability (LD). Turns out I have all the indicators of Central Auditory Processing Disorder or CAPD or APD for short. When I had heard and read about my results, I remember vividly that I cried and sobbed and instantly felt a weight come off my shoulders. For years, I was carrying around this burden that I wasn't smart enough and would just not do my best at my school work. This added pressure come directly from my mother who for years blamed my lack of attention and distraction via the tv, friends, boys and other extra curriculars as my downfall to my academics. I'll touch upon this again on another day....

So I'm researching topics for the papers that I have to write. I have 4 papers for one class and an ongoing paper that is due every 2 wks for another class. This last one, is the one that freaks me out the most because of the structure and requirements of the paper. Most of the time it's such a vague description of what is asked/needed that I get lost. Thank god for my trusty digital recorder or else I'd be up Shittawasa's creek. Anyways when I started revisiting what I had printed and what my topics were to be...I realize, my printed articles have nothing to do with the topic. Oh fun! Hooray! *rolls eyes deep exhale schlump in seat* Thank goodness I had a chunk amount of time in the library and was able to find a place to read or else I'd need that paddle.

Funny realization:
Students here are friendly, I will say that, however, they do react funny when seeing paraphenalia that is not accustomed here. Example: say another college's sweatshirt, or a greek organization (frat or sorority), or sports team not from the region (like a Vikings jersey when you're in Boston, etc). It's the I'm not trying to stare but I so am because we are HERE and follow THIS and clearly not what you have on! Stranger! lol...

Last night I went to one of my knitting groups. I had fun. There are some nice ppl who are in this group. We are working on making baby hats for premature babies. I do enjoy doing philanthropic things. Making these baby hats are great. It's a super simple pattern that someone found and it allows me to use up some yarn that I won't use up. So it's a win win. I made 6. :) I'm sure I'll make more in the upcoming months. We're also going to make scarves for the Special Olympics. That yarn I'm not too fond of, but I'm sure I'll do my 3 scarves for that as well. I have to double check on the colors. I was told that it was some blue color with red. *scrunches face* Really? Well, I'll have to check into that one just to be sure.

Today I drove to school to get some research done on my papers that are due. Mainly for my other teacher Teacher E. Nergy. I enjoy his class and realize that I have experienced a lot of what he is teaching from a real world job I had working at a deaf school.

I went hunting for an empty classroom in this one building on campus. I realize that I work so much better with a huge table where I can spread out and really work and block out everything. It's nice. It's like my own little office. This time of day though (like around 445pm) there are a bunch of night classes going on and unfortunately since I didn't know if the classroom I was occupying was going to be used, I really tried to make the best of the time I had and concentrated. Which is when I realized....the articles I found I couldn't use. Made no sense. *sigh* Fine. I made my way to the library.

It's the newest building on campus. Opened in 2009. It's very nice and has nice computer labs on the main floor. I was lucky at the time I came in because apparently the resident students hadn't made it to the labs yet. I grabbed an imac and set up my little nook of studying and research. I don't usually work with my ipod on but I did this time just to drown out the other conversations and such that were happening around me. I need it to be completely quiet and I knew that this wasn't going to happen now. Anyways I was flipping and reading through prognoses and therapies and studies...when I see a guy sit down within my eyeline say....2 o'clock from where I am sitting. He was very attractive. Like wow you're a cutie. I stink at making eye contact but realize that he was checking ME out. There was a girl in front of me, and a girl next to her (1 o'clock) and then he. But since we face each other I thought for sure that 1 o'clock girl thought I was checking her out but sadly I wasn't. She isn't my type. There was something about her fake smile that made her uglier to me, and that completely turned me off to her. As for him, he totally was turning his head. I loved it. I smiled and realized that I hadn't flirted in ages with someone, but I was feeling completely taken by him. This went on I would say, for a better part of an hour. I know, a full 60 minutes! He then got up to leave, which was funny becuase I had wanted to leave by a certain time as well (it was 8pm) and so I started packing up and shutting down the computer. He saw and slowed down his process, which meant I sped mine up!

I must tell you that this fairytale romance ended suddenly, because as soon as I got out, he was no where to be seen. My guess is that he wandered over to his residence hall room and had naughty dreams about the one that caught his attention and slipped out the library door.

*sigh* I will see you again Computer lab cutie. When that moment comes, I'll be just as surprised as you are. This lab is open 24hrs....I'm sure I'll spy you at one time or another.

To breathe a sigh of relief....

I waited about 10 agonizing minutes when I got my paper last night at class. After stressing out, losing sleep, staying up until 3am the day before, looking up websites to help me write a paper, trying write out all my thoughts on paper and then typing them into Word. It works for me, as it turns out to do this process. I never realized it before but it did this time around. Then for the past week or so I've been having printing issues at home with the laser printer. It was fixed the night before. I printed a a things and thought all was well. Karmically speaking, of course. I finish typing my paper around 230 pm. I race to print around 235 to 245pm. There is a horrid error on the machine. With no progress. I literally jump in and out of the shower and toss everything into my car and race to school. It's about an hour's drive give or take traffic and this day I barely remember how I made it though without getting into an accident. I get to the library and see a classmate who is also printing. Luckily, I had emailed it to myself as well as save it on a stick but email was super fast for me on this occassion. I open, print and exhale finally about 5 to 5. On my race walk over I realize that the pdf format neglects my page numbers but at this point I didn't care, I'll redo it when I hand it in again in a week or so. *shrugs*

Of course, we are required to print out the information we need before class. Ha, I laugh internally. What a joke today is. I couldn't win but I didn't care because I got my paper done and I'm sure there are parts of it that are good right?

Fast forward to me flipping through the pages about to check out my grade.....
I was getting that sickly feeling in my stomach where I know that I failed and have to just suck it up and deal and make something better the next time around....when I see nothing but check marks all over my text. Then on the scoring rubric....I see a 20. No way. I got an A!?! Hooray for me!

Then.
My Balloon deflates.

Teacher A. Mbiguous says that she thought all the papers were good and that she enjoyed reading them. However she then adds that she had graded them leniently and that the next time she would not be so lenient. She also said that we still need to follow the rubric and be sure that we cover all the information there.

So what you're trying to say Teacher A.Mbigous is that I really didn't get an A afterall??
Huh? *scratch head and have puzzled face*

Either way. I'm going to enjoy this moment for a little while longer. At least until the next paper is due.

The maundays

Today is the longest day of the week. Not because it's the first day, but because it's the day I drive to school for my 2 back to back night classes. That's not the hard part. The hard part is the drive. Not that I hate to drive, because I don't. I just don't like these regional drivers. I'd much rather be driving somewhere else with more lanes. lol.

I do like my 2 classes. I since I am shy, I am realizing that I myself, am changing. I am changing the way I approach people. How I talk to them. Heck, how I even sing in my car. I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to regain control or comfort in my life or trying to feel comfortable in this new environment but I realize that my perspectives are changing and getting more insight in how I feel about things. How I feel about myself. How I feel about the world. How I feel about what has happened to me. Although I feel that I deserve more (out of this life) I feel that I still have to find the way(or ways) to get to the point that I will feel "like myself".

Back to school. I think I can do school. However, I feel that it will be so incredibly difficult I don't think I will be good at it. That is not to say that I'm selling myself short but that I know how hard it will be for me and how hard I will have to work just to keep up with the others who I know will do better. Not that I care about the others, b/c I don't, but that I care about making sure that I don't get involved in this potential career and realize that it was such a waste of time. Think round peg square hole. I feel sometimes that my whole life was like this.

Tis the season for .....

It's Sunday. Just a few minutes before 1pm. Football game w/ Steelers v Ravens. I'm actually in the mood to watch a good game today. Tonight of course is The Amazing Race. I'm not even going to talk about what a big fan I am of this show.

It's gorgeous out. The sky is so blue. It's that fall blue, you know? The sun is shining and there's a great brisk breeze out. Therefore, all the windows are wide open and it feels great.

I did think about my parents today. I mean I think about them every day, but today I actually allowed myself to tear up and cry a little bit when I got to thinking about the weather and then the holidays and then family friends and I got to recalling such fun memories with everyone and wondering where they all are. I realize that it's up to me in this near future to reach out to all of them and write to them and to tell them that I miss and love them all very much. I feel that my recent journey and losing my parents have made me feel as if I have to tell them how much they mean to me, because if I don't, they will never know. I really need to do that soon. I'd like to get cards out to them soon especially for Thanksgiving and Christmas. I think if I keep this up (journaling/documenting how I feel) then I'll get the nerve up to do it.

I think I want pizza for dinner. I'm in no mood to cook.

Eh

Morning is always slow for me. Today I am trying to knit and relax. I feel a cold coming on but it's actually dem Fall allergies. (Thanks again October!) But, I think I'll be okay. Today on the docket: shopping for a pillow, candles and hair stuff.

I did get a dinner out. Macaroni Grill's chicken parmigiana. Yummy.

However, I should mention that I am giving up bread and soda for this month of October.
I didn't have any at dinner but I don't normally reach for it typically, anyways. I can def keep it up.

When did it become October?

Are you kidding me? When did October sneak up on me? I barely had a chance to enjoy the sun for a second and now it's October? Wow. I never even went to the beach this summer. I did see the beach from a friends front porch but I never actually put my toes in the sand and water. It sucks.

On the up side, I have made the most urgent decision to be sure to take pictures of the glorious mountain views when the trees change. I didn't take ANY last year...in NY or here so I definitely need to make up for that.

Also, since I handed in my first paper on Monday I've been recuperating all week. Which means, I'm off to school today to get some reading done. We'll see how well that works.