Another 5k

So tomorrow I have planned to do another race. Yes, it's for a great cause and yes, I will get my lazy bum out of bed for it. It's early, 7:15am registration and per usual, since I find these races out late, I'll be paying more. It's ok, I've already decided since it's all for a good cause, it's worth it. I'm just trying to write it down here, just so that if by 11pm tonight I feel like ditching at the last minute, I'll see this and remember that I have to do it.

It's similar to Marty McFly and Back to the Future II when he had to get his mom off of him and back to his dad or else he and his siblings wouldn't exist, etc.

Random thinking yes, but it made sense to me.

The Price is Right

No really. It's true. I can't seem to not like, The Price is Right. I've tried. Lord knows I've had. It's almost like withdrawl. I don't know maybe it's deeper than that. I mean, what other tv game show can bring out such pure fun!?
(Ok fine. Yes the "Whammys" are fun on Press your Luck but as much as we think they are cool, we HATE them because they take our money and prizes away!)

I mean aside from the fact that it's a day-time game show shot in California, people line up the night before outside the studio to have a chance to get a numbered bracelet to even get IN to the studio! THEN, they file in and sit and hope to be chosen for about 6 pricing games (sometimes more) and then HOPE that they guess close to even get to play. AND THEN if you still have nails left, pray that you don't mess up on national television!

It's great! I love it. I love shouting out at the TV and tell them that a 6 pack of juice is less than a 5 pack of vaccuum bags.

C'mon it's pure fun. Don't knock it until you've sat through one. You'll be hooked or better yet, be saying that you could've figured it out before the contestant. Ha.

Discovery Health - maternity ward

Waking up this morning, I channel surfed to Discovery Health and a show about mother about to give birth. I had found it interesting as it was focusing all different types of high risk pregnancies from young mothers to babies born with some sort of medical emergency. So very interesting. I never usually get caught up in shows like these. A- because it reminds me how I'm so alone in this world when it comes to this topic and B- it makes me appreciate my future choice of motherhood that much more.

A particular story did touch me. It was about a mother of 44, who is about to have her 2nd child 21 yrs after her first. Yes, I know. Wow. Her daughter was there, with her daughter (granddaughter), husband was unbelievably amazing and the doctor, was like no doctor I have ever encountered in my life. (It would be this demeanor that I wish I had encountered with my parents for so many occassions.) The delivery seemed to go well (tv editing, you know how it is) the husband was translating for the wife during the times that she really needed support. It was very sweet to see his calming manner and his serene touch walking his wife through every step, you would have thought they had done this just yesterday and not 21 years earlier. The nurses also were impressed with his caring of his wife and how in control and patient he was while being the support that she needed. Of course everyone was nervous, she was considered a high risk case, anything can happen.

The delivery went fine. Everyone cried. The doctor was commenting on how he couldn't imagine doing anything else, when all of a sudden the doctor congratulates the father. The father in turn speaking in his clear English with a bit of an accent says, "Life is precious and full of priceless things. This was priceless. Although I don't have much money I wanted to give you this to say thank you for what life you have given us is just priceless." Of course I'm paraphrasing what he said, but this left the doctor speechless as he received the two yellow-red mixed roses in a small bottle with water. He was trying to say thank you and just became overwhelmed and was speechless again. They show him reading a card, which I'm assuming is a thank you card to the doctor, and he says again that he was so touched....

My eyes filled with tears and it just made me happy. Terribly happy and terribly sad. I realized that I'll be alone in this journey. Kids, rearing, caring, steps, etc....and my parents won't have their hand in it.

I always mention to people, those whom I have just met, to appreciate their families, no matter the stressors or tensions, never really telling them why.

I'm thinking I should stop watching these shows while channel surfing. lol. There has to be some bad reality tv on.....somewhere.

Family Envy

Since starting this blog, I think the most remarkable and touching thing that I have found is how wonderful the stories of other people's family lives are. I mean, for me, it brings up envy and wishing that I could've had that growing up. Or have been in a nuturing environment in my formative years.

That's not to say that I was unhappy with my parents, or didn't like my experiences, because I definitely did. I just think that maybe for the longest of years, I have been searching for those rom com stories. Those adolescent moments between a mother and daughter. Or father and daughter. Where in the end there was an understanding there and love was shown.

I'm sitting here and writing and I'm filled with tears. It's not to say that I didn't like my parents because I do. It's just that unreachable wish that maybe, if not once, I could have had one thing that all those other families had. It could be small and insignificant....but it doesn't matter now.
Again, it's not to say that I don't appreciate what I have now, because I know very well that if I didn't endure what I went through, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Still, though, I look and read those blogs and smile. I smile for them but am sad.

To those families, I wish you many years of happiness and enjoy all the moments as we know they are fleeting. As for me, I will continue to read as much as I can and feel as if I could be a distant cousin in their life stories.

Sincerely,
Distant Cousin LQ twice removed

This cat and Dove

Apparently I have forgotten how much animals are attracted to so many different scents from their humans.

This cat I live with is no exception. She is not mine, but apparently every day, she vies for my affection whichever way she can.

One way which has caught my attention happens right after I take a shower. I'll sit down, she'll come over and stare at me asking me "where did I come from?" A few seconds later, since I'm not watching her, I'll feel a tickling sensation on my toes. I look down and see her not only smelling them but rubbing her face all over my feet.

At one point I thought she was into feet. A kitty with a foot fetish! But, it turns out to be that she loves the Dove soap that I use. How interesting that this feline wants to be experiencing the cool, crisp, clean scents with moisturizing beads on her fur.

I laugh at her. I can't help it, she's tickling me. She eyes me wide-eyed then runs away.

I guess the love affair is over as fast as it was started.

Who to choose?

I just came across a question that will be on my mind for a least the next few mo's (moments)...

whom do I find more attractive...Clive Owen or Gerard Butler?

It's a rather troubling decision. I mean both have accents. Both are dashingly handsome men. Both have similar eye coloring and hair. The comparison lists could go on I'm sure.

*sigh*

Maybe I'll just let this one lie a bit and ponder having them both over for tea.....

Fact

The worst thing I hate.....is being misunderstood. Not so much not comprehended, but not being able to be clear and explain myself. I'm sure that sounds utterly basic but it's a discovery that has been years and years in the making.

Story:
While growing up, I was able to express myself but only during those times that I was able to. However blurry these moments are for me now, I do remember in my pre-teen, teen years (middle school mostly) I had the ability, though shyly at times, to take to writing stories (creatively, of course) and begin to have some sort of freeing speech. A speech that allowed be to be easily understood and could be easily relayed to whomever the reader. As I was well in my teen years, still in high school, I would flourish in those moments when I would scribble down a few words and feel better. This was not journaling, this was just a form of expression.

This form of expression came out of my hard work and continuous separation of my school life and home life. This frustration, evident to only a couple of individuals, had to be as such. I kept this going for many, many years. It wasn't until a few years back (say as recent as 5 years), I had come to the realization that I have been struggling to convey what it was that I had on my mind. Struggling to have the recipient's ear understand what I had wanted to say. It was then that I discovered that I had always felt the "less smart" of my group of friends. If it was from my group of friends in high school or college, I still felt that I was unable to relay information in a conversation effectively.

Fast forward to a grad class I was taking. I was trying to have a conversation with a few classmates and it hit me. Well it was more like turning the dimmer up on a switch, that it was all finally coming together. The ability to control the numerous factoids, words, sentences and thoughts that I wanted to "spit out!" in a conversation and pace myself while speaking. I was relieved to see the expression on the recipient's face and was even more relieved when a smile was shown.

I had done it and I wasn't even sure how it happened.

I am still very hesitant about explaining myself for fears that I will not be understood. I try very hard to stay engaged in conversations and try not to bite my tongue, but when that happens I find myself unfulfilled and feeling that they should have heard what I had to say.

Recap:
Make sure when talking I am understood.
Get over the hesitation that I cannot relay what I want to say.
If frustrated, stomp feet and cry, then inhale and try again to say what was on my mind. (However mish-moshed it may sound.)
Or, blog about it. just to get it off your chest.

(fin)

Feeling healthy step by step...

Got up early this morning. Thought I'd do a race. :) A 5k race that is.

I've done 5k races in the past before for good causes: the Boy and Girls club, two for the Arthritis Foundation, for MADD, and now for Autism. Something has to be said for the motivation needed to actually dress and sign up to do one and then actually FINISH one. I have to tell you that either way, it's the accomplishment that just moves you to do more for yourself and for this world we live in.

It's a way of thinking I've always had, but didn't know that it was a plausible way of living. I mean, I was always aware of "doing good deeds" but never really thought that "I" "myself" could make any difference at all. I think my evolution and discovery into myself leads me to take action into all these ideas, events and possibilities that are possible and will happen.....

That is just as soon as I figure out what/where I want to go. In the meantime, I'll stick to accomplishing some 5ks.

Eating a good chip

Typically the potato chip can't be done wrong. I mean it's from a potato, fried, coated in oil and some salt; and for most taste buds maybe a bit of flavoring for those picky palates.

In any case, how can a chip be done wrong? How can a chip discover the injustice that is a "poor recipe?" These are the questions that often puzzle my buds when attempting to try out a new brand.

You see, while pacing through the chip aisle in the grocery store and wonder, "hmm, that's an interesting label.." Without thinking you glance and check out the A-texture, B-the particular flavorings they have available, and C-how big of a bag you want to inhale in the next few days/hours. Interestingly enough, some now have "light" and "no salt added" and "lower cholesterol" labels that just jump out at you from 5 ft away.

So you shift your weight in your stance and peer side to side as you take in again, the numerous amount of bags presented before you. Should you take the risk? How can you be sure that you will enjoy the "right" chip?

Either way, you take a risk. You grab one bag that possibly will quench the crispness that you're looking for. You pay, head home, rip open the bag, reach in for a chip, raise it up to your mouth and take your first bite.

A pause overcomes you as you wait for your taste buds to acknowledge the flavor and, and......and... it tastes like dirt. No wait, like cardboard tasting dirt. You scowl and stick your tongue out and if you're lucky spit out what is left in your mouth. For others, I'm afraid, you're tortured to ingest said foreign particles masquerading as a supposed potato chip.

With no way out, no solution, you resolve to roll up the bag and either toss it to the back of your pantry to be dealt with at a later date (preferably when it decomposes on it's own) or aim it straight for the trash can.

Sadly, you're left unsatisfied and disappointed, as you still have this yearning need for a great chip and have been deceived into buying something awful.

Chin up. Grab your keys and head back to the store. Try a different store. There's potentially a different arrangement of chips awaiting to be chosen, just wanting to make you (and your buds) happy again.

Napkin Diaries 2002

sometimes the puffy white clouds appear to be sweeter than cotton candy as my hands are sticky from the hot melting sun and i am w/o my water or my hope of finding a napkin in an auto shop

9.16.2002

Codes

I feel it's important to list these as a resource tool.

ND = Napkin Diaries, originally began back in High School when I found myself writing in margins of my notebooks. In college it had taken off to more than just the margins, I found myself writing it in my notes of class (THANKS! Econ 101). In the working world, I found myself without paper handy and just used napkins! I kept them around and added them to some writings but even after so many years, I do come across some old ones. Insightful, hilarious, observations and unspoken thoughts captured in ink.

Q: = an open question not necessarily needing an answer

A funny = typically could be confused with a joke, this used more often than not to declare the irony or thought provoking "oddities" of experiences that either just occurred or will occur.

(More to be added....)

More to the point than Twitter

Now.

The most interesting thing I am appreciating about blogging is having better outlet than Twitter could ever fill. However the disconcerting idea is that I feel that I want to write everything down that I think about throughout the day.

Example:
Jif peanut butter is better than Skippy. I've tried the organic peanut butters, however I can't let go of my hydrogenated oils and fats. It's true.

In- with both feet

There it is. I've done it.

Trust me I'm just as surprised as the next joe. More importantly, this journey will be very interesting.


And off I go....