Where in the world is my pencil?

It's been many a days since I last sat down with keyboard and my thoughts....I had wanted to write, there's been so much going on, but at times, the time just didn't make it possible. I mean, i had to find time to sleep, right?

There's much to record. First, I made the quick, split-second decision to start taking graduate courses in September. As of today, I am not quite sure if that was the best decision for me, but I will say the journey has been ridiculously enlightening. I had to make these whole new group of decisions on my own, with very little input from others for guidance. I didn't like that very much. I realized that I don't have a supportive group around me to bounce ideas off of. It reminds me of being little and having no one to talk to and no one to play with. I usually play off these thoughts and never share with anyone - so no one has a clue. But I always know that I can write them here and at least for a few posts, they'll make sense to me. The classes I chose are the typical introductory classes. Learning of this and foundations of that. What made it challenging was understanding how I can learn and what I need to do to get work done. This, was the biggest obstacle, I feel of them all. Somehow I found myself ::stressing:: out so badly to write my first paper (in years) that I must've stayed up all night feeling inadequate and wondering how I was never taught how to do this and feeling how big of a failure I am for even trying to attempt this huge feat.

Those were pretty low days. Which followed other low days of reading and not understanding what the heck I was reading! Here I'm thinking it's something to do with my un-officially-diagnosed-but-tested-but-not-by-a-psychologist learning disability, luckily for my sanity, it really was the course work. :) Yeah, I felt some huge camaraderie when one day I initiated a conversation with classmates (no one ever talked before class) and turns out the entire class felt more unified in those first few minutes than when we first started! Since then, the camaraderie has turned into commiserating and we all keep our wits about us when we can interject a few quibs here and there or else we all may just go bat crazy.

Months later, I am now finding myself with a mere 3 classes left for the fall semester and wondering how I will ever survive writing 4 1/2 papers before the 20th. I have considered getting a plaque engraved for the desk and chair which I claim at the library a few towns over. They must start feeling sorry for me seeing how they see me so often. I think there may be a "no food" policy, but I broke it when I came in with a huge salad and spread out it's splendor for 5 1/2 hours since I didn't want to leave and lose my spot.

Yes these are the things that I go though. How's your week been, bloggerinos?