The maundays

Today is the longest day of the week. Not because it's the first day, but because it's the day I drive to school for my 2 back to back night classes. That's not the hard part. The hard part is the drive. Not that I hate to drive, because I don't. I just don't like these regional drivers. I'd much rather be driving somewhere else with more lanes. lol.

I do like my 2 classes. I since I am shy, I am realizing that I myself, am changing. I am changing the way I approach people. How I talk to them. Heck, how I even sing in my car. I'm not sure if it's because I'm trying to regain control or comfort in my life or trying to feel comfortable in this new environment but I realize that my perspectives are changing and getting more insight in how I feel about things. How I feel about myself. How I feel about the world. How I feel about what has happened to me. Although I feel that I deserve more (out of this life) I feel that I still have to find the way(or ways) to get to the point that I will feel "like myself".

Back to school. I think I can do school. However, I feel that it will be so incredibly difficult I don't think I will be good at it. That is not to say that I'm selling myself short but that I know how hard it will be for me and how hard I will have to work just to keep up with the others who I know will do better. Not that I care about the others, b/c I don't, but that I care about making sure that I don't get involved in this potential career and realize that it was such a waste of time. Think round peg square hole. I feel sometimes that my whole life was like this.