Is this thing on? 🎙

Does this dusty old thing work? 🎙🎙

I’m teary eyed sitting on the floor of my bedroom realizing that I’m finding myself asking someone to spend time with me. Again. During the holidays. I’m competing with virtual people.  

The last time this occurred, I had a conversation and ended the situation. History may have repeated itself. 

I’ve been battling frustration.

Frustration and stagnancy. Two things I hate together.

I hate that I’m finding myself in a place that I never would have dreamed years ago. I hate that my “old” self has gone dormant to this “forced” adult that is behind this screen. 

I always asked in the past, “when will things be different?”. Of course, we know as people, change starts from oneself; from within. Here as I sit on the floor I ask again, “why do you deal with this?” 

“Because I have to” is my canned response. 

I can peel back this onion another time.

I just wanted the words to float out there…. I feel it, I know it, and I need things to change.