The Neverending Paragraph

As many before me have said, Graduate school is tough. Tough on the mind. Tough on the soul. Tough on your life. Tough on your.... well you get the dreariness of it all. Well right now, I'm in the "if I have to conjoin two more phrases in prose text with a theme and substantiated proofs I may just die" phase, because even after 8 days I still have 3 papers remaining before the end of the week.

But that's not what's really important now is it? Yes, it does explain why I haven't written about the most interesting things that I have come across (all of which I have conveniently bookmarked so I can comment [er, trash] in my own leisure at a later date) but the fact that interestingly enough, I have had a few pangs of nostalgia hit me in the past few days.

Not quite sure how I have been having these moments, or lapses in mental judgment, but I have. Hey I am human after all.

Quite honestly though, I'll have to think on that and see where it's coming from.

Is it because another birthday is nearing?

Is it because I'm feeling emotionally unattached or looking to be attached? (Yes, I got this straight from a men's health magazine. I'd never admit that on my own.)

Is it because I think of the many roads and paths that I have taken and wonder, hey I could be doing this now or I could be with him/her right now!

Or maybe it's because I'm beginning to think about the openness of the world again and how at any moment I can choose to make a left instead of a right and not get on the elevator and go for a walk instead.....

In part I think it just means, that somehow, I am finding myself again. The me that I remember from college. The one who was just enjoying the moment and didn't care.

Let's see if the next few choices I make are in line with who that person was. We shall see....
But for now it's goodbye to the readers of few, the prose of many, the themes for words that are yet to be written....

Inhale....hold....Exhale....Release!

After feeling ill for such a while (okay like 9 days) and then realizing the fantastic world was flying by I had made notes of all the randomness and idiotic (and idiosyncrasies) that had overtaken the world by storm during those days. Unfortunately, those thoughts were written on tissues and tossed them after during a bout of massive disinfection of my room and other areas.

Shame really. I had some zingers.

Nonetheless, I'm SURE these lunacies will come back and I'll grab them and jot them down. Because really, the world is a massive ball of insight and luminous individuals...some of which, are just pure crazy and THAT is what makes everything regain balance! LOL

Since the illness that plagued everything including my appetite, I have been juggling school, life, the world, self-discovery, and dealing with ppl all at the same time. And unfortunately no solid conclusion has been made as of yet, but I hope that before my time on this planet comes to an end........something will become definitive. Right? Let's hope.

Laid up

Have been ill with the flu for the past week.....BUT....have come out on the other side. There's many things to post and many things to reflect about. Can't wait for a few minutes to finish writing them. Now that I'm up to it, I must tackle some laundry, dishes and homework!

Napkin Diaries -Monday's observations

• I saw my first bluebird of the season this morning.
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• Holy crap - gas is expensive!
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• Yes I did witness and almost accident on the highway yesterday between an 18wheeler and 2 compact cars. It got even more dicey when the 2nd car to pass the truck was almost pinned to the divider and "thanked" the trucker by slamming on his brakes and slowing down in front of him. Mocking him through his rear-view. Yes I saw the whole thing. And yes, I was driving safely.
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• I am getting tired of writing papers. Well not entirely, I know it's not going to be over any time soon but I know my brain needs a break at some point.
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• I saw a jogger on the road and thought, that was me a year ago, man, I really need to get back to that daily torture.
  

When the sore thumb that sticks out is really a pickle

Have you ever seen the bit on "Sesame Street" when they sing "one of these things, is not like    the other?"          

Seriously! I mean, when has it ever not been the truth!

Scene:
I was walking thru the market the other day, minding my own business, strolling along, whistling
and I turned down the dairy aisle, I was heading for the milk. I had spent the day in the library so I hadn't interacted with many people (if you count a blog a person, well that's another post entirely) but I had spotted two grocery stock boys working in the dairy section. I grab a loaf of bread. I laugh OUT LOUD and thought of...

My mother and I used to laugh at this because it was so hard to forget, hence the purpose OF the clip. In my own humor, I smile and turn around and start making the trek to the check out area and a flash happens. Instinctively I grab my phone as if there was an important message that came from the flash in text form that I had to read. I look up and realize that I was alone in the aisle.

::::POOF!:::::

Everyone was gone. No stock boys. No other customers. No store jingly-music. No other ambient sounds. Just drowning quiet. Odd, I thought. I shrug and keep moving. I finally see a woman walking up to me and she's strolling as if she's in the park checking out the birds. When she reaches me she says, "I hate it when that happens!"

Stunned by her oddness and her buoyancy of being in a shop to witness said flash (which to clarify, was actually a brief power outage) which she of course has witnessed before. Her exuberance made me conjure a partial smile and I almost said "you've lost it lady" but I pick up the pace and then I had my final realization.

1-Don't go grocery shopping alone. Always go in pairs.
2-Your phone does not have all the answers even if some ppl are glued to them like another appendage.
3-Sesame street tunes are classics! none of this recent garbage. I mean the oldies are goodies!
4- Regionally speaking, the natives here are odd. Just plain odd. They are on their own ferris wheel that keeps going round and round and no one gets on and no one can get off.

I wish there was more to explain, but I couldn't. The ferris wheel analogy really does do it for me I think.......

"Hi, Motivation isn't in right now....

but if you could come back at the end of semester when this is all over, then maybe we could get together and do something. Thanks!"

Not much more to say than that. It's the wee early hours of a daylight savings morning and not only am I tired but I just lost 60 more minutes and my eyelids are clamping shut. Oy.

Maybe tomorrow will be a better compositional day.

Tsunami thoughts towards Earth's tilt

You wouldn't be alive or human if you didn't pause for a second and feel compassion for our fellow human beings half a world away today. Regardless of what your faith, political position, or crankiness of life, it would be truly terrible if you didn't feel sad for the onslaught of photos and videos that were coming in from Japan today. I'm sure for many more days we will be hearing stories and seeing new videos of devastation and heartbreak. With many reporters making comparisons to Chile, Russia, Sumatra, etc, you can't help feel that we as mere inhabitants on this planet always tend to get so wrapped up in our own microcosms of life that we forget that within moments it's all gone.

It can be a tornado - as the mid-west of the US can attest to...
It can be a hurricane - Katrina, Gloria, Bob...
It can be volcanoes - Iceland's "Eyjafjallajökull", Italy's Mt. Vesuvius and Etna, Hawaii's Kīlauea and Mauna Loa...
It can be massive snow storms - ask anyone in the US east of Minnesota, Europe in 2010..
It can be torrential rain - recent flooding in Australia, Sri Lanka...

I mean, I can go on but it's too depressing already, right?

The point is, as my mother would say, we're only here in passing. Of course the meaning is vastly lost in the translation but she meant that what we do (in our lives) is a blip in the grand scheme of the world. Also, that what happens to the planet can always be redone (or corrected) whether we want it to or not. These were deep words for a woman of my mother's stature.

Now more than ever, I feel that we (and yes, I mean the universal we) need to remember that we are much more than the hottest gossip, blockbuster movie, newest phone or electronic gadget or car. I'm no expert in any field. Or brilliant scholar from ivy-leagued walls. I'm just putting some common sense pieces of thought together and have begun to think about what is more than this.

Mother nature definitely has a larger say in our lives than we give her credit for.

Tonight I'll light a candle and see what I can hear.