November fumbles.....love crumbles

After months and months, I finally find myself back to the safe space that helped me through some tough times. I appreciate that this space is mine and honor when needed. I also bow my head in writer's shame as I've let it collect dust like my workout clothes and my running shoes.

It comes as no surprise to my "great book" that I'll eventually write that I'm at yet - another crossroads.

In a relationship of over a year, living together about 3 months and change, it has come to a head that my partner did not foresee the relationship being as such. Unbeknownst to they, I have been searching for someone who wants to love me, be with me and grow old with me.

With my story having both my parents suffer and pass from an illness (cancer) and an only child, I find the idyllic image of love and heart-bursting joy - to be something so easy for most but nearly impossible in my life's journey.

They say, most of us are wired for skills and the rest for invention, for whomever is left. Love. Love big. Love entirely. Love to the four winds.


Such a wonderful image.
I'm not saying it's all Hallmark and roses...but I want something.
I aspire for something.
I look up to the stars for something.


So for now, I sit, in a chilly basement bedroom. Watching streaming tv on my phone with two dogs not mine, 1 cat that is mine a grumbling belly and 5 browser tabs open talking about rental places, credit card transfers and the news.

I'm sure I'll come back again tonight.