Hey up there!!

All Call:

What is it with Loud steppers? Floor stompers? Board squeakers? Rock steppers? Good lord. Please stop or change your shoeware.

Long haul to Sleep.

On Monday, I couldn't even see Friday. On Wednesday, I completely forgot about Thursday's late night event that I offered my time to man the front sign in table. By Friday morning, I didn't believe I had enough energy to make it through to 1145am, let alone 3 pm.

As my digits on the watch kept moving, my brain was in full communication with its appendages to direct themselves towards home, I was still sitting writing personalized notes to the eyes of people who I hope would appreciate them.

The time ticked on more and I forgot that I had been invited for dinner (of which I had already turned down / or slept through two times before...and could not conceivably do again). I walked into my apartment sat for about 25 minutes doing nothing as my body was powering down. Since I'm new to my area I have absolutely no concept of traffic times and how far places are from me. I get up and back into the car I go. A few hours later I'm back at home and I barely remember how I got from my door to my bed. In a matter of blinks I was already in a deep and non-REMing sleep and felt the exhaustion starting to leave my bones. LOL. That's a phrase an old-timer would say. Maybe that's whom I had heard it from.....

Now it's later and I'm still feeling run-down. Isn't there a vacation in sight? Shouldn't there be a time where I can unwind and sit down and let the cares of the world pass over me?

No wait, I forgot. It's begun. Holidays. I love them!! I just wish it didn't take so much out of you!! LOL

Time to go back to sleep....just to recharge.

Said around a bonfire

Last night, around a bonfire, a friend's husband asked me (again) who am I interested in. Meaning in no brief words "Why aren't you dating someone?" Per his typical, albeit drunken seriousness I engaged him in this conversation. Firstly, mainly because I know that he means well. Second, well because at this rate anyone's opinion needs to be of help.

We laughed for a bit and joked about how another friend in the group was "swiping" left/right and commenting on how many people of the inexplicable numbers have already met in the same "speakeasy" lounge...unbeknownst to them. I laughed and said, quite smartly, "yeah but how many of them have had a physical interaction with?". I didn't say it to bring shame upon the friend, nor was it to make it seem that there was something wrong with sex. I was merely pointing out that the online world is rather askew as of late and this, dear friends, is what is disconcerting.

Trust me, this isn't in any way me psyching myself out or saying that "the hope is lost" - no it isn't. However I will freely admit that the hope is currently stuck on the lazy susan of choices. I wouldn't call it neutral because life still happens, but I will say that my choices of the online nature are really out there. I wish there was a way to make them all be tangible and :then: be able to persue whomever, but damn, this crap is getting harder and harder each time around.

My hope is this, if you're online, be open-minded.
If you're open-minded then read someone's wording.
Read the wording and picture the person's "voice".
Picture the person's "voice" then flip through their snapshots.
See their snapshots then take a chance.
If we all were to operate the same way I feel like there would be a lot more success stories than the small percentage that exists currently.

Otherwise, at least be decent at sex.

Just sayin'.

A table for two

There are many moments in our life when we feel that the endless turns never stop coming. If you're single, you've been an active participant on the spinning wheel of the dating scene. As an active participant of life I'm willingly putting myself onto the wheel this evening. The wheel? You wonder. The wheel is one night of speed dating. That's right. You know of it. You've heard stories from it. And I'm well, starving reader, I'm doing it.

Now I know. you're saying to yourself. Who does these things? I thought that was only on those basic cable channels where the people who are profiled are crazy and out of their minds drunk on their egos and lacking in other areas. Well I can assure you, I am in no way a overflowing with my own ego nor am I missing any screws.

To me, this process (because I think it's fair to call it a process) should be tried at least once. We know, our society is based on looks, neither mine nor my eventual partner could deny that, but something needs to be said about taking the opportunity to sell your best self for someone who could eventually grow to like you.

Notwithstanding, I do akin this speed dating to lilypads and frogs. I just hope I don't get stuck alone out there in the deep murky swamp.

Dust, blown off.

It was just the other evening while I was over a friend's house staring deep into the burning embers of their newly purchased fire pit, that I became overwhelmed with emotions long buried under the day to day monotony; I am, heads' deep into the single world and I'm alone.  

Now this is not to say that I am two breaths away from sticking my head into an overflowing tub, as I would rather bathe in it, but it is a milestone reached nonetheless. 

What's more of interest, as of late, is the numerous times I've felt that I have been seeking out the person driving in the car next to me. Or who's in line with me at Target. Or who else has moved into my apartment complex. Or even more surprisingly, the single's events I have signed up to attend. I am not ashamed of any of these opportunities but I am, I will admit, surprised that it has become as of recent super difficult to meet people. I'm convinced it's the area.

No one is changing my opinion of that unfortunate, disastrous accepted acknowledgement.   

Regardless of my location deficiencies 
- the date hunt, is on. 

Tired. Just tired.

You know those moments when you happen to catch yourself in the corner of your eye and realize, "whoa. what just happened?" Well this has been my world for a little bit now. A long bit. I've had a few in my life. Just last week I had one. I was going through the motions of something then, I found myself standing, completely clueless, wondering "what now?" Typically I have answers or a solution for just about everything, it's just how my brain works. It constantly works on solutions and "outs". Last week though, I felt my skin struggling to understand the abruptness in the space time continuum. It took a few days to recover (that's code for catch up on sleep) but coming out on the other end I realize that I find myself feeling saddened, almost like a balloon which has been deflated and is whizzing around the room with no real direction but is powered and is moving along just fine. I'm sure some would read this and wonder if there will be a turn around or something. I'd respond with I can always inflate this again, but I don't feel as if it be appreciated as of yet, so I'll manage until I feel that I can..........

Retrospective Delayed.

Words are often meant to be the path to clarity and comprehension.

Thoughts and sentiments are the vehicles of expression.

What's mostly interrupts this - - - doubt.

Higher reasoning mammals given the ability to decide the "why's" and "how's" of situations often brings us to the precipice of doubt and second guessing. This is more than just instinctual decisiveness where most would say "I felt like I should go left instead of right" as opposed to reasoning their way through the numerous outcomes of where their decisions would bring them.

I speak of that sliver of space between the aforementioned where the slight hesitation, if magnified, could reveal more of the human psyche than a mere dice roll or palm reading.

For most, the act of thinking and processing of a decision or a reflection of decisions, is much more than consequential thinking. This is more directed toward affected thinking or vibrative emotion to a given idea, thought or situation. Simply, if a decision, not based or preceded by emotion is made - this is a solid and whole decision. However, if this has been given a moment of chance in thought, then doubt expands in the space given and creates permanency, solidifies, roots and remains. Combating the opportunity is to allow the free will and spirit of thought, to be strong and true to what it feels and not weaken when given an unclear path.


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This philosophical moment was brought to you by my philosophy class, the letter M and pink lemonade.